What She Expects You to Know Without Asking
By: Lori Kremen
If you are lucky to have a woman kind enough to sleep with you, there are a few things you should know. However, she probably won’t tell you what those things are. Men and women aren’t that different, but girls are squeamish about simply opening up about there sexual preferences, and literally expect you to be a mind reader. No, it’s not fair, but it’s the way of things. While abstinence remains the only true vehicle of safe behavior, once the choice is made to engage in sexual congress, you may as well be well informed.
Buying a girl dinner or taking her out does not entitle you to anything: She will be offended if you suggest that her virtue can be bought for a hamburger and fries. Paying for a woman’s meal harks back to an earlier time when the rules chivalry dictated that a woman must be provided for by a gentleman. If you choose to live by the rules of chivalry, you should know that this decision will bring you into her +favor (as well as the favor of her family); chivalrous behavior is an indication that you respect women. However, it may not get you laid. A mutual decision to have sex should be made based on physical and emotional compatibility, to avoid drama.
Communicate: It is possible that your ultimate sexual fantasy is her fantasy as well. If brought up properly, talking about sex with a girl can be both arousing and informational. Don’t be afraid to tell the girl you are with about something you’ve been dying to try, something you’d prefer, or better yet, something you’d like to do to her. If the girl you are with is sexually inexperienced then she will most likely need a tutorial on the (pardon the pun) “ins and outs” of sex. If you are sexually inexperienced, it will greatly behoove you to ask your sexual partner for tips on the best way to please. During sex, communication is also important because you want to make sure what you are doing is something she wants. A simple “Does that feel good?” may do the trick.
Don’t be selfish: Over 90% of women in the United States admit to faking an orgasm at some point in their lives. When a girl first starts having sex, she is self conscious and so worried about appeasing the male ego, that she will fake an orgasm, rather than admit that she did not have one during sexual intercourse. The funny thing is that most men agree that they would rather spend the extra time (which could be anywhere from five minutes to a half hour, if done right) insuring a real orgasm, and are often hurt when they find out a girl fakes her orgasm. Some men even view a fake orgasm as dishonesty. Fact: very few women are physically capable of having an orgasm from sex alone. If you want women to have sex with you, you should put in the extra effort necessary to please them in return, especially if they are willing to give you sexual favors (i.e., oral sex). Not only will the girl appreciate it, but your reputation as a good lover will precede you amongst her friends.
No Actually Means No: Forget everything you’ve seen, heard, or read about girls saying “no” when they mean “yes.”
“Yes” and “maybe” can mean “no.” But “no” is always a word to be taken literally. In relation to sex, as soon as the word “no,” or “stop,” leaves her lips, you should stop. If she is a rare one who says “no” when she means “yes,” she’ll let you know in clear terms, I promise you. Nevertheless, in order to avoid an awkward situation or legal repercussions, take her at her word, when the word is “no.”
Do not skip protection: What do you call a couple that uses the withdrawal or Rhythm method as Birth Control? Parents. If you’ve never had sex-ed in high school, here is a crash course. Firstly, the withdrawal method is ineffective because of something called pre-ejaculatory fluid, which is nature’s way of insuring the advancement of the human species. A woman’s menstrual cycle is not set in stone; it changes frequently, usually by a day or so at a time. Often, if a woman is in a new social situation, her cycle will synchronize to the other girls in her peer group. While a woman only ovulates for about 3 days out of a 28 day cycle, the days of ovulation vary. Since sperm can live for three days after ejaculation, a one day miscalculation can cost you.literally. The other reason to use protection: STD’s are not fun. How well do you really know the girl you are getting down with? The best protection against sexually transmitted diseases (after abstinence) is a sealed condom with a valid expiration date. If you do not know how to put on a condom, you shouldn’t be having sex.
Engage in foreplay and after-play: If you are going to have sex, give the act your full attention and effort. Ask any girl. She will tell you that foreplay is the best part of sex. The kissing and gentle arousal is what makes her want to go all the way with you in the first place. Trust me, through out your years, this won’t change much. If she wants to skip the foreplay, she will let you know. One act that is constantly neglected, however, is after-play. After-play should be considered the foreplay for the next time you want to have sex. Most girls (not all, but most) HATE when guys get up from the bed right after sex (a bathroom break not included, we understand you’re human), put their clothes on, and leave. It makes a girl feel cheap and used, regardless of whether or not you actually did use her. So all the effort that you put in to making sure she had a good time is wasted by poor manners. Girls talk. Poor manners will buy you a bad reputation. Falling asleep right away also does nothing for her impression of you as a lover. We know you’re tired, but we don’t care. We want to feel “connected to you.” Try taking twenty minutes after you’re sated to make her feel special by spooning, cuddling, or giving her another orgasm. This may be the extra step necessary to promote you from good lover to sex legend. And who wouldn’t want to be that?
Sex is not a replacement for intimacy: When most people see the words sex and intimacy, they assume these words are synonymous. They’re not. Sex is a purely physical act that can intensify or express romantic connection. However, having sex can not create or maintain a romantic connection past attraction. So, if you are in a relationship where sex is the only thing the two of you have in common, you may want to get to know her a little better, or else the intimate feeling that arises from the sex will fade.
Sex can (and sometimes should) be funny: In an act that is so inherently awkward, a million things can go wrong. Instead of letting these inevitable mishaps put you out of the mood, laugh. Don’t get offended if she laughs, either. In bed, there is no right or wrong way to act, at least there isn’t if you have an adequate understanding of the person with whom you are sharing the bed. If you know that your sweetie has a good sense of humor, don’t be afraid to integrate your own sense of humor into your play time.
Make sure you actually like the girl you sleep with: Yes, sex can be just as amazing with someone you neither like nor respect as a person. However, think about this: sex changes everything. Your feelings towards her may change, or more likely, her feelings towards you may change. If the sex is great and your feelings toward her change, she may have already relegated you to a one night stand or a sex-only person. Either way, a repeat performance (or relationship) is generally out of the question. If her feelings towards you change (but you still can’t stand her), she can become a mild annoyance at best and a stalker at worst.
You are not in a porno flick: If you have the internet, you have access to porn. Let me say on behalf of all woman kind that many of us actually do like watching porn. Porn can be sexy or hilarious. (Some really cool chicks dig a good porn and chicken night. If you find one of these, hang on tight). However, do not expect a real life woman to act like or physically resemble a girl in those movies. Women don’t expect real men to have a six-pack or perfect (ahem) miscellaneous anatomy. You can fantasize about Jenna Jamison all you want, even during sex, but don’t let her know that. She’s a girl; we have enough problems with our self confidence, thanks to the modeling industry. If she asks you “do you think I’m fat,” or any variation of that question, just say no. I feel confident in adding that you should not expect the woman to have a continuous, loud, moaning orgasm through out the entire sexual encounter. The women in porn are most likely faking it. And while a sexually mature woman may be open to, and might even provide sex toys, do not incorporate them with someone with little sexual experience, unless you have discussed this with your partner, first.